maybe no one will notice if i dissapear.

would you feel sad if I disappear?

I always think about disappearing, disappearing from social media, disappearing from my bedroom, and maybe disappearing from this world.

remembering that no one really noticed my presence, my desire to disappear became even greater. remembering that there are rarely any message notifications from people other than asking me about the answers to the homework given by the teacher, it makes me feel that my existence in this friendship is only as a dictionary.

maybe if I really disappeared, they would just cry for me because there would be no one left to give them the answers to all their homework.

and maybe if I disappeared, my family would probably cry because there was one less child they could do anything with.

people always say “you just need more communication” that’s what they say. and if I had communicated with them, would they have considered my presence more than that? I also always want to have a casual chat with them besides discussing homework, but it seems they don’t want to talk to me about anything other than the answers to they homework.

but, what if they actually cry because they lost someone like me?

I still have a good family, still have some friends who still want to talk about silly things together. what if I really dissapear? will they feel sad? or maybe they will be happy because there is no one can bother them anymore?

am I that important in their lives?

If I am indeed important to them, what is something inside me that makes them think that I am important in their lives? my intelligence? or maybe because they accept me for who I am so they don’t care about my intelligence and just want to spend time with me?

will anyone come to my grave when I die someday?

if so, I want to say thank you very much for giving up your wasted time just because you wanted to visit my grave. maybe I can’t say “thank you,” but I will send beautiful colored butterflies as a sign of my thanks for coming here.

maybe I’m just too frustrated, maybe I just need a short break to get rid of my bad thoughts. my brain always thinks about it when I’m feeling down, and maybe I just need encouragement, motivation, and love. I don’t want much, I just want people to know more about my existence and not waste my existence in the world.

From, H

To, everyone.